"Grim Grandeur" - Roman's Surgery Day

 As part of my tutoring responsibilities with Roman's homeschool class, I am trying to track with his subjects and do some of the assignments myself. 

One course on the agenda this school year is poetry and creative writing. 

The assignment to look around for and write about some moody, dismal scene, titling it, "Grim Grandeur," piqued my interest. I had the perfect place. 

Packing up my over-night bag to stay with Roman in the hospital, I threw in my journal and pen, and hoped for some down-time to write.

We are safely home now from our week spent at Children's in Milwaukee, where Roman underwent spinal surgery for scoliosis on September 2nd. The experience kept my mind so focused on him, that I barely had the quiet mental space necessary to come up with anything to write. Not to mention, that they keep hospitals so clean and bright that dismal and grim really only describes the emotional side of things, not the place itself.

Have you heard of this new trend that people are posting about called Rare Aesthetic? 

As someone who tends to attach strong emotions to nostalgic things, it's fascinating to me to learn this has a name!

Have you ever been struck by the sight of your school empty and dark at night? Or glanced around your apartment one final time on move-out day? Or opened your eyes in an airplane to catch the first glimmer of sunrise through the cabin windows after a long, red-eye flight? ... These memories, with their unusual "frozen in time" atmosphere, have a way of engraving themselves on our hearts forever. 

So, I'm not sure what to call this... "Grim Grandeur," or my own "Rare Aesthetic." Nonetheless, I did manage to jot down a few observations in an attempt to, "totally surrender to whatever atmosphere was offering itself at the moment," as the writing assignment encouraged.

Tuesday, September 2, 2025  entry:

We arrived in sheer darkness, hungry and puffy-eyed from an early rise and long drive. The pre-op room was small, warm, and dimly-lit. A motherly nurse spoke gently with us while she placed the IV in Roman's hand. All is well. We are strangely at peace. 

I step out of the room for a moment to be greeted by an unavoidable orange ball in the sky. Through the windows at the end of an empty, quiet hall was the grey outline of building tops and a vivid sunrise. I step back into the room to sit... and to wait... and to listen to frightful things from doctors in an airy and composed way. (They must be trained on how to have a calming effect on people when offering potentially upsetting words.)

Three IV's total will be placed in Roman, I learn. The main IV, a back up IV, and an artery IV to monitor his heart. Labs are drawn to verify his blood type in case a blood transfusion is needed. (I'm sorry... what?!) A tube will be thread down his throat, so expect a weak voice and sore throat upon awaking, as well as blurred vision, and a swollen and probably bruised appearance from being smushed on his stomach for so long. I sit back in an attempt to process.... but with that, Roman is wheeled away in one direction, (I fumble to scoop up our belongings) and we are whisked off in the other direction to endure this six-hour procedure in their waiting room.

I try to settle into a spot by a window to rest and read. After taking in the view, and marveling at how we've come this far, (scoliosis that ends in surgery is often a years-long journey involving bracing, x-rays, second options and tears) I turn to 2 Chronicles 32 and read...

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged. vs.7

...but with us is the Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles. vs.8

Suddenly an irresistible urge to pray washed over me. I stopped reading, closed my eyes and asked God to send extra angels to surround Roman on every side. I asked God to place His hand on the surgeon. I asked for everything to go smoothly. And when I ran out of words to pray, I thought of the verse that promises, "groans that words cannot express," and asked the Holy Spirit to intercede.

Just then I received a text. Startled out of my thoughts, I lift my phone up to read... "Update - Prep work is done and the procedure has begun." I realize I had been praying at the moment the incision was being made.

My senses awaken during this interlude like this morning's sunrise illuminating our day. Now that the busyness of the morning is over and I am alone, I can really see, hear, and feel in this waiting room. It is peaceful here. The room is spacious and clean, with blue chairs and bright, cream walls. A little counter with complementary water, coffee, and tea sits reassuringly off to the side. Instrumental music plays over the speakers. I notice the same few parents who checked in at 6:00am alongside us, and wonder what their story is. Some are resting, some are reading. One mom is given a warm blanket by a smiling nurse. But we are all sharing in this same bizarre experience of handing our most valued treasure - our child!- over to strangers for a life-altering operation.

I am thankful for the young couple seated behind me. They seem to understand the unspoken etiquette of speaking softly and of benign topics at a time like this. Our nervous systems can't cope with anything more stimulating.

I resume my people-watching out the window. It's going to be a sunny, beautiful, and warm September day. I continue to receive update texts from the nurse that Roman is doing well under anesthesia and everything is going smoothly.

By the time we make it to recovery, and breathe a sigh of relief at the Doctor's report that it all went perfectly, Roman is comfortably resting. Whew! What a whirlwind today has been! My body relaxes and I realize I'm hungry. I didn't feel it till now. How could a mother eat when her child's back is torn open, anyway? Micah has headed for home, and it's just me and a very tired, loopy Roman, alone together. We are told to expect to be here for 3-5 days. 

I like our room. It's private and painted a sunny yellow. 

Once settled, I decide to navigate my way through a series of elevator rides and long hallways, following signs as I go, to find the cafeteria. It is bustling with activity and humming with people as I take my dinner selection to the check-out. What is a reasonable first meal to consume after an emotional day? Something comforting and bland, you suggest? Like grilled cheese and chocolate milk, perhaps? Or soup and crackers with herbal tea? Makes sense. I should have listened to you. What do I choose? A spicy hummus and avocado wrap, filled with crunchy mystery veggies that I did not enjoy at all. That is so unlike anything I normally eat, I'm not sure why it seemed right in the moment. But I choked it down and it filled me up.

Back in the recovery room, that unavoidable orange ball is back in the sky. The sun is spilling that golden, evening light into our room, making sterile hospital equipment and plastic furniture look rich, warm and inviting. Grim grandeur. And I realize I have watched both the sunrise and sunset from this building on this day. One to mark the start of something scary and unknown. The other to whisper, See? You got through it. Everything will be okay.

"And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love Him." Romans 8:28

"I will go before you and make the crooked places straight." Isaiah 45:2

Thank you for all the prayers and support!

💐

~ Courtney

School Starting and Our Own Giving Tree

 Today was our official first day of school.

There were a few rough spots, but overall it was a great day!

I am excited to begin another year in our homeschool journey, with my now 6th, 8th, 9th, and 11th graders.

Time management seemed to be the biggest challenge today. I felt pulled in many directions. But we ate well, studied hard, and enjoyed good conversation together. I suppose I can't ask for more, can I?

Nola got a new desk over the summer and handed her old one down to Elsa. 

They are all independent learners at their own desks now. I have graduated from homeschooling small children at my elbow at the kitchen table. *sniff

But onward and upward, as they say! It's time to enjoy the higher grades. 

One way I plan to do that this school year is by tutoring a small group of high school juniors once a week. It's an exciting opportunity I've been studying and preparing for. I have a soft spot in my heart for homeschool families, so I look forward to the chance to bless and serve other homeschoolers. The fact that Roman, my own high school junior, will be in my "class" is icing on the cake!

Our schedule seemed a little haphazard today, but I trust we will settle into a doable routine as the weeks progress. 

I took the dog for an evening "walkie" to clear my head.

He loves running off leash on our trails. If he gets too far ahead of me he'll stop and look back until I catch up. He's done this since he was a puppy. I always tell him, "Thank you for waiting for me. What a gentleman you are!"

Something very sad was discovered on our property, though.

Our beloved tree was split in two, with the swing Micah built for me lying helpless and forlorn under a heavy branch. It must have happened in the last storm. 

This is the tree that helped raise my children. The tree we have come to in all seasons for sixteen years. A large chunk of our family story has been played out at this tree. We have picnicked here... climbed, napped, and read books here. We have sung songs together and had long conversations here. We have entertained friends here. Time and problems don't exist here. This tree has endured our family's noise and rambunctious play (as well as one wildly unsuccessful bird-luring experiment), but has also been a peaceful and stable presence to come to when quiet alone time is needed.

Seeing it break down brought me to tears, and reminded me so much of the famous book, "The Giving Tree," by Shel Silverstein. 

Maybe we've asked too much of it through the years. But from time to time I would offer up a prayer for this tree. I've asked God to keep it alive and well for us as long as we are still living here.

So I'm not sure what the future looks like for our faithful friend. I'm sure Micah can find a way to repair the swing and reattach it to a surviving branch. But I fear it will never be the same. There was just something so comforting and reassuring about nestling in on the swing after walking along the trails, and feeling enveloped in all the wide, strong branches. 

Is it silly to mourn a tree?

I suppose I should just be thankful for the memories.

"The trees you grew up with have not forgotten you." ~ Unknown 

🌳

~ Courtney 

LEAD 2025

 This was the fourth year our family participated in LEAD Wisconsin, which is a ministry of Wisconsin Family Council.

We are always so blessed by this camp, whose mission is to equip teens in becoming effective Godly leaders.

This year Roman participated in the media track, and Nola was in the Senate.

For Senators, their work begins Sunday night. They are assigned to a caucus and given two bills to work on - one to support and one to oppose.   

Throughout the week they hold a press conference, as well as attend public hearings and meetings chaired by real state legislators.

By Friday they vote and hold live debate on the Assembly floor in our beautiful State Capitol.

"Here you will rise to the challenge of amendments, decorum, and open debate." -Speaker of the House 

Nola is at the microphone, presenting one of the three speeches she wrote during the week.

We observed from the gallery above.

I really was paying attention...honest, I was! But I kept daydreaming about the meaning behind the large mural on the wall. It was so beautiful and interesting! 

It looked to me like an angel commanding an ancient goddess to leave, while a few Patriots, clutching our American flag, were bravely emerging onto the scene. 

Could the meaning have been our founding fathers saying goodbye to the antiquated government system in Europe to embrace the American spirit in the New World? 

My curiosity got the best of me... I looked it up.

According to the Historical Society's website, "A woman representing Wisconsin is surrounded by three women representing the three bodies of water surrounding the state." Wow, I was way off! And other than a few harsh warnings about tampering with the image, that was just about all the site had to say on this intriguing piece of art, simply titled, "Wisconsin."

Oh, well... it was still fun to ponder.

Meanwhile, Roman received a crash course on journalism and broadcasting. Here's a photo I snagged from their social media...

When we first arrived at the Capitol, (trying to catch our bearings and find our way around) who do we bump into right away?... Roman setting up equipment for an interview!

He and his team conducted interviews, toured a news station, published six newspapers and created three video broadcasts all by the end of the week.

I loved their clever catchphrase...

"News that leads the way."

After a long day at the Capitol, followed by a commissioning ceremony, we picked the kids up at their dorms and journeyed home. 

I reflected on my observations from the program and am convinced that we do not need to be afraid for today's teenagers. There is an army of bright young people being raised up! These kids love the Lord, think right thoughts, and persuade effectively.

We just are fortunate to be a part of it! 

"God presides over the great assembly. He renders judgment among the gods." -Psalm 82:1

~ Courtney

A Moody Morning and How to be a Guest

 Overnight storms and the tap-tap-tap of early morning rain made for a dark and sleepy start to my day.

The house was so quiet, and the kids were sleeping in, so I remained in bed... dozing off...listening to the silence...

But just like those old Folgers commercials from the 90's (remember those?) I could smell that Micah had started the coffee, so I shuffled downstairs.

There are really only two reasonable things to do on rainy, moody mornings... read or bake. 

I decided I'd do both.

After placing two loaf pans of homemade banana bread into my oven to bake, I settled into my little claimed spot on the couch to make progress in my book.

There is a topic I have wondered about for years, so I am currently reading about it and learning so much!

The question that has nagged me is this:

Why do we only ever hear about hospitality (that we should be hospitable and how to be), but we never hear anything about the other side of the coin, which is... how to be a guest?

Being in Christian/ Church culture all my life, I can tell you we are in no short supply of Bible study authors and preachers telling us that any Christian worth their salt will know how to extend hospitality. And if you don't know how, there is a plethora of books, websites, even ladies in church offering classes... so what's your excuse?

But when I would ask the question, "Where are the books about how to be a guest?" I would be met with laughter or blank stares. 

One day my curiosity got the best of me, so I typed, books on how to be a guest, in my Amazon search bar.

One looked like it may be what I was searching for, so I ordered it and am almost through reading it.

It's titled, The Art of the Visit, Being the Perfect Host, Becoming the Perfect Guest, by Kathy Bertone.

It is unclear if she is a Christian, and the book is not from a biblical perspective, but it is excellent nonetheless! 

It is full of common visiting mistakes that can easily be corrected and altogether avoided with a little preparation, good sense, and being considerate of others.

Before I began reading it, I jotted down a few of my own thoughts on how to be a guest, just to see if I would read anything similar from her. Prior to being educated on the subject, I only came up with four points. Here is How to be a Guest, by yours truly...

1. Sit where your host puts you. (Your child says he'd be more comfortable eating that bowl of chili on the couch? Your host provided a kids' table with plastic covering for a reason!)

2. Be discreet and gracious about food. (Relationships with people are more important than food.)

3. Be in tune with your host's subtle hints. (He's checking his watch? She has started doing the dishes? It's time to leave.)

4. Don't bring others along. (Does any more really need to be said about this? Yet it happens.) 

Of course there are the unspoken rules so obvious it's not worth writing down (like: Be on time, Don't criticize decor, etc...) but still - pitiful little collection of common sense rules, don't you think? I had a lot to learn!

This book is showing me there is so much more to being a great guest! Here are a few of her suggestions that stood out to me...

How to be a Guest, by author Kathy Bertone, and summarized by me:

~ Make your needs known in advance.

According to Kathy, it is your responsibility to let your host know prior to the event if you will need a highchair for the baby, or if someone has a severe food allergy, for example. She writes that this will actually be a relief for your host, and could spare you an awkward (or even dangerous!) experience.

~ Have an idea of what the weather will be.

Your host doesn't want to scramble to come up with supplies you lack.

~ Don't bring other friends.

It is considered poor manners to have people join you that your host does not know.

~ Practice good conversation.

Be agreeable. Avoid off-color jokes. Err on the side of caution in conversation.

~ Put your phone away.

Your priority during a visit is enjoying your friends and family who are present.

~ Exercise moderation when eating.

Visiting someone is not the time to overstuff and indulge yourself at your host's expense.

~ Always clean up your child's messes.

Or better yet, she offers the brilliant suggestion of asking your host upon arrival if there are any house rules, like rooms that are off limits, for example. (I can't believe I never thought of that one!) 

Aren't these good?! This really just scratches the surface of all the wonderful advice in this book. I cannot do it justice here, so you should order yourself a copy! 

I'll admit it is difficult to memorize and adhere to every etiquette rule, but if we strive to keep our host's comfort in mind, we can be well on our way to becoming a perfect guest.

💝

"A great visit is like a two-way street with both guest and host giving and receiving." - Kathy Bertone

My moody morning is over... the sun is out. The kids are up. Time to get back to work...

~ Courtney 

Roman Downs Photography

 Lowering his father's hobby drone down from the shelf, Roman (fourteen at the time) asked if he could be shown how to fly it.

Since Roman had always been mechanically inclined and interested in the way things work, Micah didn't think much of walking with him out to the meadow to satisfy his request.

But not one to ever leave well enough alone, Roman continued puttering around with the drone as the weeks progressed, taking aerial photos of our property and gaining more familiarity and experience with it.

Maybe a few comments were made about starting a photography business, I'm not quite sure. I only remember the day he announced he had emailed several realtors in our town asking if they'd consider him for their next photoshoot.

"You did what?!" I exclaimed, silently doubting that anyone would hire a fourteen year old.

But an amazing thing happened. He started getting calls.

Micah and I would take turns driving him to his photoshoot appointments. Most of them were small, vacant homes in modest neighborhoods, making it easy for Roman to shoot, edit, and send the final product over to the realtor all on the same day. But sometimes the owners would be present, forcing Roman to have to shake hands, introduce himself, then proceed to snap photos in a stranger's home - the owners hovering nervously over him every step of the way. And then there were the times we'd be sent on a wild goose chase. Trying to make sense of a vague map and scant instructions, we'd travel an hour or more to find a piece of land nobody's ever lived on, deep in the woods somewhere.

 I would bring a book along to read while he worked, but I mainly watched him fly that little, old drone around and snap pictures with an iPhone. What he lacked in proper equipment, he made up for in reliability and reasonable prices. So he continued getting jobs!

Two years passed. He saved every dime he made and bought himself a car when he turned sixteen. (Never mind that it is a temperamental, high-milage car that has the tendency to leave him stranded at seemingly inopportune times... We are still figuring out what to do about that!) He at least now can take himself to photoshoots, like a real professional.

With time marching on, and enough jobs to build a savings, he recently was able to purchase what he needed all along... a camera! 

Roman has spent hours researching, watching tutorials, and practicing around our house with it.

This must have generated a new confidence and motivation, because his latest accomplishment has been the creation of business flyers.

After several attempts, the final design was decided on and printed...

So I should not have been surprised when I arrived home from a day of shopping to hear Roman say he spent his afternoon driving around town dropping his flyers off at any real estate office with an open door... (Flyers being wedged somewhat successfully in the frames of any locked doors.)

"How did you know where to go?" I asked.

"I just Googled real estate offices close by," he answered, with a tone that implied this is the easiest thing in the world.

So there you have it! The story of how Roman Downs Photography was born. If you know of anyone in need of real estate photography, you're welcome to contact Roman. He is flexible and efficient...

 as long as his car doesn't break down on the way. 😉

~ Courtney 

Beauty in Education

 According to Socrates, "The object of education is to teach us to love what is beautiful."

Sorting through the last of our papers and books to finalize our 2024-25 school year has reminded me of the vision I began our year with ~  Help my children see how God is anchored and woven into each of their subjects, and that God is the center of all knowledge.

I am currently reading Beauty for Truth's Sake, by Stratford Caldecott on the re-enchantment of education, and I'm quickly finding out, as lofty as my aim this past school year was, we barely scratched the surface.

Sure, we would discuss God's character as it is revealed in the mathematical concepts we studied, but to train their sense of beauty, nourish their imagination, and orient their hearts to (in Josef Piper's words) "that simple vision where truth offers itself like a landscape to the eye," is rapidly becoming my new vision for next school year. 

This was our second year dabbling in more of a classical style education, (compared to the Abeka books my kids used in the younger grades) and I'm humbly recognizing I have a lot to learn on this leap from a traditional curriculum to a classical one.

Is it a bottomless well? Or is this gnawing inside me true? ... That by the time I wrap my head around it and finally grasp it, my kids will all be graduated and I won't need the knowledge anymore.

Either way, I believe it is a worthwhile and exciting pursuit.

When my children were younger, Charlotte Mason's books and Booker T. Washington's autobiography shaped my homeschool ideals. They gave me a vision for incorporating nature and family meals, along with strong daily practices such as chores and hygiene into our routine. But now that my kids are getting older, I'm finding that (to use the apostle Paul's analogy of maturing from milk to solid food) I need to, "be open to the presence of meaning where the modern mind sees none... Developing an awareness of the totality of education through art, literature, music, mathematics, physics, biology, and history. Each subject having its own autonomy, but at its heart it connects with every other." - Stratford Caldecott

Reading this book has helped explain why my recent visit to Paris felt so rich and meaningful. The art, music, and math present in the cathedrals there were soul-stirring in a way that is absent in America. Somehow, the christians who built these churches a thousand years ago understood how to use beauty to refine the human spirit, and to inspire an ascent of the mind and heart toward God.

While discussing this with my older children, (and apologizing to them over an upbringing so starved of such beauty) one pointed out that we should be careful not to take this too far. Admiration of art and architecture, he cautioned, could lead to worship of the building, not of God, putting you at dangerous risk for idolatry.

(Rich discussions with my teenagers are the crowning moments in homeschooling. As we wrestle with ideas, I get to watch them become who God intends for them to be.)

In the meantime, I will continue this insightful book, pondering how I can train my children's character to reach for beauty as they seek to know God more... And remembering another homeschool mom's wise words who recently looked at me and profoundly said, "The point of all this is to marvel."

"As our own eyes reveal to us every day, the universe is beautiful. It has majesty, order, and loveliness; three types of beauty that scientists love to discover in the world." - Stratford Caldecott

~ Courtney 

The Last One

 It started with a $71 curriculum order and a leap of faith when my oldest, Roman, was due to begin first grade.

"Just take it one year at a time," my husband wisely counseled.

And so, with nothing more than a few good books and a kitchen table, we began our homeschool journey.

I fell in love with the care-free lifestyle quickly, almost daily pinching myself that this could be real life: No early busses to catch? No PTO meetings to attend? 

Our schedule is our very own?... to do with as we like?!....

As Booker T. Washington observed after the Emancipation and recorded in his autobiography, "Freedom was a more serious thing than they had expected to find it." 

I felt the same.

But we soon settled into a comfortable routine, where every morning consisted of chores, hygiene, and formal lessons, and every afternoon was some combination of outdoor play, baking or crafting, with the occasional play date or doctor's appointment thrown in.

Over the years I learned to conquer diagramming sentences, making equivalent fractions, and solving for x right along side my growing kids.

I learned to stick with the same curriculum year after year to build familiarity and mastery, so the next kid in line could benefit from a confident mother.

Each year bled into the next until homeschooling began to feel like the easiest, most natural thing in the world to us.

Then, in the blink of an eye, we came to this morning...

 I helped Elsa finish her final lesson in her 5th grade arithmetic book... the last one... and I realized this season of our family's homeschooling is shifting. My baby's done with 5th grade? That means we are officially through the elementary years! I now have all middle schoolers and high schoolers.

Uncertain if I should feel sad, sentimental, or proud of myself, I rummaged through the attic bins looking for room to pack away this year's books, and almost as Divine Acknowledgment, I uncovered Roman's first grade curriculum. The books that started it all. I hadn't seen them in years. 

With them in the bin was a completely filled notebook. I had written out this daily and weekly plan on the first page...

And the following pages, revealing his handwriting and mine, were made up of little assignments and quizzes I had created for him.

I thumbed through the pages carefully, pondering how my younger self hand wrote all these assignments... I was learning how to homeschool, I thought, nostalgically.

Never believing I was cut out for the job, but trusting in the Lord fully, I stuck to the work and now find our elementary years behind us.

(Nola's final illuminated letter in her cursive book...

 If you zoom you may see she creatively turned it into the phrase, The last one...)

"Being confident in this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

The other kids are officially done with their school year, too. Homeschooling in the upper grades has proven to be an enormous blessing, but I will have to write about that another time.

💐

~ Courtney