A Moody Morning and How to be a Guest

 Overnight storms and the tap-tap-tap of early morning rain made for a dark and sleepy start to my day.

The house was so quiet, and the kids were sleeping in, so I remained in bed... dozing off...listening to the silence...

But just like those old Folgers commercials from the 90's (remember those?) I could smell that Micah had started the coffee, so I shuffled downstairs.

There are really only two reasonable things to do on rainy, moody mornings... read or bake. 

I decided I'd do both.

After placing two loaf pans of homemade banana bread into my oven to bake, I settled into my little claimed spot on the couch to make progress in my book.

There is a topic I have wondered about for years, so I am currently reading about it and learning so much!

The question that has nagged me is this:

Why do we only ever hear about hospitality (that we should be hospitable and how to be), but we never hear anything about the other side of the coin, which is... how to be a guest?

Being in Christian/ Church culture all my life, I can tell you we are in no short supply of Bible study authors and preachers telling us that any Christian worth their salt will know how to extend hospitality. And if you don't know how, there is a plethora of books, websites, even ladies in church offering classes... so what's your excuse?

But when I would ask the question, "Where are the books about how to be a guest?" I would be met with laughter or blank stares. 

One day my curiosity got the best of me, so I typed, books on how to be a guest, in my Amazon search bar.

One looked like it may be what I was searching for, so I ordered it and am almost through reading it.

It's titled, The Art of the Visit, Being the Perfect Host, Becoming the Perfect Guest, by Kathy Bertone.

It is unclear if she is a Christian, and the book is not from a biblical perspective, but it is excellent nonetheless! 

It is full of common visiting mistakes that can easily be corrected and altogether avoided with a little preparation, good sense, and being considerate of others.

Before I began reading it, I jotted down a few of my own thoughts on how to be a guest, just to see if I would read anything similar from her. Prior to being educated on the subject, I only came up with four points. Here is How to be a Guest, by yours truly...

1. Sit where your host puts you. (Your child says he'd be more comfortable eating that bowl of chili on the couch? Your host provided a kids' table with plastic covering for a reason!)

2. Be discreet and gracious about food. (Relationships with people are more important than food.)

3. Be in tune with your host's subtle hints. (He's checking his watch? She has started doing the dishes? It's time to leave.)

4. Don't bring others along. (Does any more really need to be said about this? Yet it happens.) 

Of course there are the unspoken rules so obvious it's not worth writing down (like: Be on time, Don't criticize decor, etc...) but still - pitiful little collection of common sense rules, don't you think? I had a lot to learn!

This book is showing me there is so much more to being a great guest! Here are a few of her suggestions that stood out to me...

How to be a Guest, by author Kathy Bertone, and summarized by me:

~ Make your needs known in advance.

According to Kathy, it is your responsibility to let your host know prior to the event if you will need a highchair for the baby, or if someone has a severe food allergy, for example. She writes that this will actually be a relief for your host, and could spare you an awkward (or even dangerous!) experience.

~ Have an idea of what the weather will be.

Your host doesn't want to scramble to come up with supplies you lack.

~ Don't bring other friends.

It is considered poor manners to have people join you that your host does not know.

~ Practice good conversation.

Be agreeable. Avoid off-color jokes. Err on the side of caution in conversation.

~ Put your phone away.

Your priority during a visit is enjoying your friends and family who are present.

~ Exercise moderation when eating.

Visiting someone is not the time to overstuff and indulge yourself at your host's expense.

~ Always clean up your child's messes.

Or better yet, she offers the brilliant suggestion of asking your host upon arrival if there are any house rules, like rooms that are off limits, for example. (I can't believe I never thought of that one!) 

Aren't these good?! This really just scratches the surface of all the wonderful advice in this book. I cannot do it justice here, so you should order yourself a copy! 

I'll admit it is difficult to memorize and adhere to every etiquette rule, but if we strive to keep our host's comfort in mind, we can be well on our way to becoming a perfect guest.

💝

"A great visit is like a two-way street with both guest and host giving and receiving." - Kathy Bertone

My moody morning is over... the sun is out. The kids are up. Time to get back to work...

~ Courtney 

Teaching Etiquette (Hospital Visits)

Hello Friends!

Today I want to talk about teaching our children etiquette.

One argument against homeschooling that I often hear is, How will a homeschooled child learn how to survive in society? 

I get it. 

I do.

But still, I find myself thinking, Well... I don't want my children to learn how to survive... Is that the goal? To only survive?... I want them to know how to thrive and do well!

Mama's, That is up to Us!

Schools don't teach social etiquette anyway, so whether a child is homeschooled or not, this is our job! 

I've written on teaching etiquette before, but there are so many facets to this, I think I may have to give it its own category in "Labels", and write about more topics.

Today's topic is:

Lessons that children should be taught while visiting someone in the hospital. 

This is fresh on my mind for two reasons. 1. It's been exactly one year now since my seven-year old, Roman, was in the hospital. And 2. We just visited a friend of ours in the hospital only a couple of weeks ago. I brought all of the children with me to experience it and learn the lessons.

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Last year this time my Roman had an asthma attack so severe, that it landed him in the ICU for three days. 

(He gave me permission to share these photos:)

It was a scary and sleepless experience!

(The view from our tenth floor room was tranquil, however.)

When we visited our friend recently, she was in a room just across the hall from where Roman stayed. 

It brought back many memories.

I believe in looking for the every day, teachable moments in raising children. It's a far better teacher than merely reading about something in a text book. 

So when I brought my children with me to visit our friend, I made a point to talk to them about four key lessons when making a hospital visit:

1. Be quiet and respectful.

Adults are typically very understanding when it comes to rowdy and noisy children. However, children must be taught that there is a time and a place for all behaviors. It is good and reasonable to expect that children be quiet and respectful when in a hospital. 

This includes whispering, and quiet feet while walking. 

A hospital visit is not the time to have the attitude of, Well... kids will be kids. No. There are plenty of other times where jumping, running, and shouting are acceptable. We will be greatly benefitting our children's lives if we teach them how and when to "shut all noise down" and expect them to do it.  

I'm learning from experience that children will meet whatever standard that is expected of them. So if the standard is low, that's what they'll do. For the child who has been faithfully taught obedience, they will have no problem meeting a higher standard.

2. Don't stay long.

This is very important because hospital stays can be trying and stressful...

It is a joy to receive a visit from a friend, but that joy can quickly turn burdensome if the visitor overstays.

I talked to my children about this ahead of time. I told them that we were only going to stay for a few minutes and I explained why. That way they were prepared and knew what to expect in the moment, but I was also training them in etiquette for the future. 

3. Bring a small gift.

Roman told me how he remembered it meaning a lot to him when someone brought a card or balloon for him while they visited.

My children made cards for our friend and we also brought her a small stuffed animal.  

Children enjoy receiving these types of things. Some other ideas are coloring pages, stickers, crayons, gum or suckers.

If visiting an adult you could bring a journal with a nice pen, a book or magazine, or a soft, warm pair of socks. 

When I was in the hospital having my babies, I would receive flowers and plants. I enjoyed lining them up on my hospital room's windowsill. It really brightened up my room and my spirit!

Lastly,

4. Don't talk about yourself or your problems.

I remember years ago, a family friend came to visit us during the final days of my brothers life. She spent a significant portion of her visit telling us all about her, her family, and her current problems.

My mother was gracious and polite with her. I sat quietly in the corner, but inside I was screaming,

My brother is dying!!! We don't care to hear about your problems!

This was the final lesson I spoke to my children about when visiting our friend. I explained to them that it is impolite for us to talk about ourselves. I told them that in the short, few minutes of our visit, we should be saying things like,

- You were on my mind first thing this morning.

- We've been praying for you.

- How did the surgery go?

- It's good to see you up and about.

- Can we bring you anything?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

These are all important lessons that our children can carry with them into adulthood. And they'll be very grateful they were taught these things!

Remember, it is our job to raise up the next generation in righteousness. Striving to raise them as the mother in Proverbs 31:26 did, "She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue."

Well friends, that's all for today. If you can think of anything else to add to this list of etiquette during a hospital visit,  please share in the comments below!

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

I'll be back soon with some glimpses of Fall around our farmhouse...

It's a glorious season in the countryside!

Until then,

xo,

~ Courtney ~

Teaching Etiquette

Hello friends!

I'm just popping in quickly today with a short parenting post on etiquette.

One important job that we have as mothers is to teach our children social skills and social etiquette.

Here is an example of one small thing we can do to help teach this...

I got the idea a few months ago to take my children to a nearby cafe as part of our school day, to give them an opportunity to practice restaurant etiquette. I finally took the time this afternoon and we went.

My children have been in restaurants many times in their little lives, but we're always with other adults whom I'm trying to visit with. So, I'm distracted by that and not necessarily focusing on the etiquette of my children.

Today my goal was to sit with just them, undistracted, in an upscale cafe, to give them experience and training.  They did really well and we had a lovely time!

On the drive there I talked with them about my expectations for them and explained what we were doing. I told them that they were going to practice:

~ Being respectful and quiet in a "fancy" place.

~ Proper table manners.

~ Ordering for themselves.

~ Looking the waitress in the eye and speaking clearly when ordering.

~ Saying "Please" and "Thank-you".

                    

I took all four of my kids, which would have been costly had we gone there for a meal. So my idea was to have lunch at home first and go to the cafe for dessert. It worked out quite well. Doing it this way accomplished what I was after and helped keep the cost down.

When the waitress came by with the dessert tray, I noticed the portions were large. I had my oldest three each choose what they would like, and asked the waitress for two extra plates. I sliced off a small hunk of the three desserts for the baby and I to share. 

                  

It ended up being the perfect amounts for all of us! :)

Teaching table manners at home is essential, but doing something like this can help give children the skills to function well in society. Some things come up in restaurants that wouldn't necessarily come up at home. For example, when we were seated the kids noticed the utensils wrapped in cloth napkins. I'd love to say that we always eat our meals at home with cloth napkins, haha, but we actually eat our meals with a big package of wet wipes plunked in the center of the table! (Hey! Kids are messy!!!) But today I got to reinforce that cloth napkins are to be placed on the lap until we are through eating.

Another thing that came up today was one of my children being too loud. This particular child has a tendency to be a loud-talker, but usually at home this is overlooked. I had the opportunity today to tell my child, "Look around. Do you see that adults are trying to visit? Whenever you're in public, observe your surroundings and see where you fit in in regards to what's going on." I pointed out the table next to us where two ladies sat, visiting. I said, "You don't have to whisper, but you should bring the volume of your voice down so that the people around us aren't disturbed and think we're rude."

These are all teachable moments that we as mothers should take advantage of to instill a value or character trait, or in today's case, social etiquette.

"It's when the whole world is your school instead of school being your whole world." -Eli Gerzon

                   

I am thankful to be able to homeschool. I get to do field trips like this on my time and on my terms; My children get to be with their family instead of care-givers, peers, or even strangers; And! We're making happy memories and deepening our bond while learning life skills. 

Yes, I have a very blessed life indeed! And I'm so happy that I get to share all of this with you! Thank you, my friends, for stopping by my blog today. I appreciate all of the positive feedback you all have lavished on me throughout my blogging journey!

What are some ways you teach etiquette? I'd love to hear about it! 

Take care sweet friends,

~ Courtney:)