Excuse me...
*Ahem
Is this thing on?....
I am hacking into Mother's blog to plea for help.
I am fit to be tied!
As the Regal Master of the House, I demand attention to this issue immediately.
You see, the family who works for me has been using strange words lately. Words like Puppy, and New brother.
But I pay no attention to words that aren't Best Boy in the World and Treats, so I didn't see this betrayal coming!
Yesterday, I came inside after my daily sunbath in the garden, and this hideous creature was in my house!
Disgusting.
Can you believe it?
I was appalled!
I demanded that he be removed from my presence, and had every right to assume the family, who are my butlers, would jump to my reasonable request.
You see, I have been training them for five years.
My main butler, Nola, carries me around whenever I want.
She calls me names like Baby, which I don't particularly care for, but as long as she continues her faithful service to me, I will keep her on staff.
The rest of the family are my spare butlers. I have trained them well, too. They stroke my fur and scratch my ears at every first "meow."
I even managed to train Mother. She will not vacuum in a room I am napping in, as the noise disturbs me greatly.
So you can understand my shock when they not only refused my request, but told me to be polite to this puppy.
How insulting!
It's clear I am the superior being, and yet when he got too close to me and I felt it was well within my Regal rights to hiss, I got in trouble!
Can you believe that?
A clean, handsome, divine Master such as myself does not deserve this treatment.
I made sure the family knew I did not approve, so I kicked over my food dish, then spread the bathroom trash all over the floor. But then the horrifying thought occurred to me.... What if I'm not loved anymore?
What if I'm being replaced?
My life flashed before my eyes....
*cue sad music
I had to do something, and quick!
So I came out of hiding, graced the family with my majestic presence, then proceeded to perform one of my famous, mighty stretches.
I gave it my all. I showed my white, fluffy tummy and everything!
But instead of a swooning, "Oooooh... big stretch!" They ignored me!!!
So, you understand why I'm furious, right?
Mother says we'll be best friends, but seriously, just look at this revolting beast....
S. O. S.
His Highness,
Regal the Housecat
