Old and New Friends

Why is it so hard to make friends after having children?

I've always been the type of person who prefers a few close friends over a slew of surface friends.

It's one of the main reasons it took me years to get on the Facebook wagon.

And once I was on it, it didn't take long for me to deactivate my account!

(I don't miss it, by the way.)

I guess I just have a sensitive radar to people who are fake, and a low tolerance for people who just stay on the surface level.

I need to know that I can bare my soul to you over a cup of coffee, and you'll laugh and cry right along with me! And I promise I'll do the same for you!

These types of friends have become more rare for me since I've had my babies.

My theory is that people see (and hear!) me coming from a mile away- dripping with children, and think, Hmmm... NO thank you. That's too much chaos for me!

So things never progress from "acquaintance" to "friend".

Haha!

But I do have a few close friends, and for them I am just so thankful!

They are a treasure to me!

Some have been in my life for so many years that I don't feel the need to impress them or act polished around them.

I thought of this because just the other day I got a text from a friend that said, "Hey! What are you doing tomorrow?"

I quickly texted back, "Nothing! Wanna come over?"

She was at my door with her children the very next afternoon.

I very much like this particular friend, because she is willing to ignore the kids with me and just sit down and chat!

And when the kids do barge in on our nice chat, I don't have to worry about what this friend will think of me when I holler, "Go back outside! Let us visit!!!"

At one point during our visit, we went outside to run around the trails with the kids for a bit.

We were collecting frogs and picking wild raspberries down by the water. 

The horseflies are SO bad down there right now, and I was having a particularly hard time swatting them away while also trying to hold on to my frog and handful of raspberries.

I realized just how close to this friend I had become when I found myself in a tizzy over swatting the flies and dropping my berries, and she was rolling with laughter at how stupid I was acting.

That's a true friendship!

No walls. No veneer. Just real life.

It is discouraging, isn't it, when you invest in a friendship for a while only to have the friendship fizzle out?

This has happened to me several times in my life.

Some friend losses can even be heart-breaking!

It's similar to a relationship break-up, where healing is needed and you feel hesitant to put yourself out there again!

I've retreated into my little bubble during times like these, and it feels good for a while... but the inevitable urge, I need a good mom-friend! rises up, and the mom-dating starts all over again!

Do you know what I mean by mom-dating?

I write that humorously, but there's truth to it!

Many nights this summer I sat at ball fields along side other moms while we watched our kids play baseball.

There was one mom in particular that I had a mom-crush on.

I don't know, she just impressed me.

Maybe it was because she was lovely and kind.

Her kids, too, were very kind, and our kids had become good friends.

Then I learned she lives just a few minutes down the road from my house... She'd be the perfect friend for me! I thought.

So near the end of the season Micah said, "The season's almost done. You'd better make your move! Get her number!"

(I hope you can see the humor in this. *wink)

I knew he was right, but I was nervous!

What if she doesn't like me? I thought. She probably doesn't need any more friends...

I had heard our boys chatting one night after a game about wanting to get together, and I knew that was my chance...

I approached her and said, "Hey, I should put your number in my phone because it sounds like our boys are making plans to get together and play! We'll have you over!"

(But inside I was secretly thinking, I should put your number in my phone so that we can get together and become lifelong best friends! Haha!)

She gave me her number and I put it in my phone.

Then when I turned around to face Micah, he winked and said, "Score!"

We laughed!

This had become an inside joke.

We did have them over, and it was delightful!

"There are people who take the heart out of you, and there are people who put it back."

~ Elizabeth David

There was an instant connection.

That evening she sent me this text -

"Courtney, thank you so much for having us over today! My kids talked the whole way home about how much fun they had! We are blessed to be becoming new friends with such a sweet family!"

And at the following ball game she approached me and asked if we'd like to go over to her house next!

So, maybe it isn't so hard to make friends after all!

You just need to be willing to put yourself out there.

xo,

~ Courtney ~

(Some of the photos in this post were taken from my antique books, Marigold Garden and Yourself and Your House Wonderful.)