"My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest." - Isaiah 32:18

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Tips For Visiting A New Mom

I know this is suppose to be a blog about home living but,
I got the idea to write a post about visiting new moms.

I am no better or different than any of you regarding my knowledge of social etiquette.
I just think there are some unwritten rules for visiting friends.
Especially friends who've just had a baby.

It's a mistake to think this is a normal visit.
If you're visiting within days or even weeks of her being home from the hospital, she is at a unique point in her life.
She's exhausted, her hormones are out of whack, and she's overwhelmed by this life change.
(Or was all of that just my experience? Haha!)

Unless the new mom you are visiting is close family,
I believe the tips I'm about to share should be adhered to.

So,
You find out a friend or acquaintance has just had a baby and you feel like paying her a visit to meet her new little one is the right thing to do...

Go! Be a friend! Show up in her life! 

But,

Go with this one attitude:

How can I be a blessing to her?

Your conduct should be guided by this main thought, (and in my opinion, these following tips...)

If you don't listen to anything else I've included in this list,
the most important thing you can do for her is to 

1. Bring Food!





               

I like to tell my friend I'll be stopping by to drop off a meal. I've never had anyone say no thank-you to that! New moms need help! This is a picture of what it looks like all packed up and ready to be delivered. But I want to say a few things about how I got it to this point.

First of all, I believe very strongly that us moms shouldn't put together something for another family that we are not also putting together, to the same standard, for our own families. I made a decision years ago that whatever type of meal I'm making for someone else, I'm making either a better or at least equal one for my family. I have never spent half a day pouring myself into the creation of a gourmet meal for someone else, and then fed my family frozen pizza. This is not selfish!!! My priority, job, and responsibility given to me by God is my family! Listen, your priority, job, and responsibility given to you by God is your family! I don't believe it is right or fair to neglect our families in order to help someone else.

I think the easiest way to do this is to simply make double of what I would consider a nice meal for my family so I have an extra meal to take to my friend.

On this occasion I made a double batch of lasagnas:



I always label them with the baking instructions:

             

2. Disposable pans and dishes!

It is not helpful to give her pans and dishes that she has to keep track of, wash, and figure out how to return to you! Remember our rule of thumb? How can I be a blessing? Disposable dishes are hugely helpful! This is so easy to do. Foil pans can be purchased very inexpensively at Walmart and the Dollar Store. It's a small investment and it completely eliminates a huge burden for her. 

So... Combining rules 1. and 2., I have a few pictures that show preparing double batches and you'll notice the dish that's for us is in a glass bowl, and the dish that's for my friend is in disposable foil:


Fruit salad... With pink sprinkles! (Because, why not?!)


I also made a double batch of Cinnamon Crumb cake. 


One for us in glass and one for them in foil. I baked them together so it was really no extra time or effort.


3. Include a gift.

I wouldn't consider this one absolutely necessary, but a small gift is thoughtful and would mean a lot to her. Personally, I think a small, name brand bag of diapers for baby, and a dark chocolate treat for mom is perfect!

            

I snapped this picture while I was trying to figure out how I wanted to pack it all up...


So... On the menu for her and her family is lasagna, breadsticks, corn, fruit salad, cinnamon crumb cake, and Coke. It is exactly what's on the menu for me and my family, as well.

When I dropped it off I made a point to tell her that there was nothing I was giving her that she would have to return to me. (She really appreciated that! :) Speaking of dropping it off leads me to my final points, but I don't have pictures of these. They're important to include, though...

4. Don't bring your children.

For the love of Pete.... Don't bring your children!!!

Unless she is your sister and your kids are cousins, leave them home with dad! Remember what I said about her being exhausted, emotional, and overwhelmed? Yeah, about that... Don't bring your children!!! Remember what I said about being a blessing to her?... Don't bring your children!!!

If she is freshly home with a new baby, she's already feeling unsettled and if she has other children, she's trying to heal and rest among her own family chaos. Bringing your chaos into the mix isn't helpful!!! 

When considering what it would look like to be a blessing to a new, tired mom, consider it priority to make every effort to cause the least amount of upheaval in her life.

This is not a play date! Remember, she did not invite you! 

I try to take meals on Saturday's so that I can leave my kids home with Micah. There have been a few times over the years where I've taken my kids to drop off a meal during a weekday, but I don't let them get out of the car. Which nicely leads me to my last point...

5. Don't stay long!

It's incredibly important not to overstay! Our mothers were right when teaching us the etiquette of not overstaying our welcome. Let's take heed to that advice! When I'm dropping off a meal for a new mom I give myself a limit of no longer than 10 minutes. That's plenty of time to congratulate her, carry in the food and gifts, smile and hug her, and give a quick swoon over the baby. Then... Get outta there! My ten minute visit is exhausting enough for her and it's not fair, considerate, or necessary to stay any longer.

In my opinion, the only exception to this would be if you are related to her. Then show up willing to clean or babysit so that she can take a nap. But other than that...

Don't expect her to be a hostess and entertain you.

Don't expect a house tour.

Don't dump on her any of your stories or problems.

Remember, she did not invite you!

These are all of the thoughts and principles that guide my attitude and actions while visiting a new mom. These are all things I would have greatly appreciated when I was having my babies, so I figure it's wise to do these things to others and treat my mom friends the way I would want to be treated.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." -Matt 7:12

So... What about you? Do you have anything else you could add to this list? I'd love to hear about it! Please feel free to leave a comment! We can learn from each other!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog! It means so so so much to me!

~Courtney



8 comments:

  1. I am glad that you posted this. There are a lot of women out there that might not know how to go visit a friend that has just had a baby. This is perfect. Also the point of leaving the kids at home is very important. You are right. It can be more stressful then a blessing for that new mom when you bring your own children with. Thank you for posting this.

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    1. You're welcome:) Thank YOU for reading and leaving a comment! You're right, these things are important and we should be learning from each other!

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  2. What a wonderful meal Courtney! Great idea to use all disposable pans. I would add not visit at the hospital unless invited or immediate family and I would give the new mom a few days to get settled at home. Your 10 minute rule is perfect!

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    1. Yes, I agree, no hospital visits unless you're close family! Thanks for adding that! And thanks for reading!!!

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  3. I remember with one child, a friend laboriously washed and picked each grape off the vine and had a nice BIG container of red grapes for us ready to eat (among other things). This meant so much to me! I love your sweet and thoughtful ideas!

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    1. That's a great friend! Lol! Thanks so much for sharing! I'll miss seeing you at Dance for the next few weeks but I look forward to seeing you again in April! :):):)

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  4. Nice Cook!thanks for share maybe few week i try to make it
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